Dear Mz. Pink,
I am unmotivated, lazy, out-of-shape and an all-around waste. / am pretty down on myself, but I just can’t get myself together. I really want to figure myself out and what can make me feel more human for the New Year. I want to make resolutions to be a better person and keep them, but I don’t know how. I want to find a girlfriend and be happy. How do I do this? How can I keep my resolutions? How do I become a better person? How do I find a girlfriend and keep her? I haven’t had relations in years and I am ready to get the whole package, myself and a life together for 2015. Please help!
Admitting you have a problem is the first step in creating a solution, or in your case it seems like solutions. No matter what your issues, if you are ready to take the next steps then you can change and keep your resolutions and accomplish your goals. It will be hard work, but once you get started and start seeing positive outcomes, it will help motivate you more. Certain changes may take effect right away and others may take some time, but if you stick to your new routine, everything will work in your favor.
First off, setting and keeping resolutions isn’t as difficult as it seems. There is a stigma when it comes to resolutions that if you make one (or many) that the next day most people either give up or forget the goals they were working toward. The statistics are ridiculous for the people who make resolutions and never follow through or give up a few weeks in. A few tips for keeping resolutions are:
1. Set smaller, short-term goals that are easier to keep.
2. Make time for your resolutions.
3. Review your work often.
4. Change one behavior at a time.
5. Talk about your changes, wants and needs.
6. If you lapse on a goal, reset it and keep going. Don’t beat yourself up.
7. Make a visual aid; write down your goals and progress or something to remind yourself of the ending.
8. Hold yourself accountable.
9. Don’t give up so easily.
Now that you have an outline of what you can do to set and keep resolutions, we can move on to the next issue. Once you’ve started working on yourself and you feel comfortable with the progress that is being made, then you can start putting yourself out there for a relationship. I would advise against finding a girlfriend before you work on yourself. You could lose sight of what’s important: your health, your life and your goals. After progress is made then you can start going on outings. Don’t limit yourself to bars and night-life to find a partner — go to bookshops, coffee shops, libraries, join a gym, join a book club for lesbians or join a club of like-minded folks doing something that you enjoy. This way you are putting yourself out there and are able to start doing activities you like.
Once you’re out there, don’t be afraid to talk to people. Don’t limit yourself to just a girlfriend, make friends too. If your only goal is to bag a broad, then that could make things awkward for you while trying to talk to others. Be yourself and relax.
Keep telling yourself that you are on a self-help journey and that you are worth the effort on your own part as well as for somebody else. Whether it’s for a friendship or relationship. The point of the matter is that you can do this and you can find somebody and be a better person by yourself or in a couple.
Like I said before you have started the process already by pinpointing your flaws and what you want to change, so the rest is working on your goals. Start small and keep going. Make sure you reward yourself when you reach goals and acknowledge what you are doing, have done and will do. You can do this!