Dear Mz. Pink,
My girlfriend started working out a while ago and has been really dedicated. Although I’m proud of her, I thought she would be more into sex and wanting to be with me intimately once she started to feel more energized and better with her health. It seems that the opposite has taken effect and she has no interest in me whatsoever.
I don’t know what to do or what to think because we have been together so long and I encourage her to do what she wants and needs to make herself feel better, even though I think she is beautiful all the time.
I am so into her sexually and always want to spend quality time it just seems like she wants nothing to do with sex… with me. What do I do?
Lets Get Physical
I’m sorry you’re going through this because it seems that once someone starts to become healthier then they will start to do healthier things and become more active with their partner. To me this should be a no-brainer. There could be many factors contributing to her not wanting or lack of interest in having sex, so lets explore some possible reasons:
—You didn’t mention cheating, so that doesn’t seem to be a huge worry, but let’s communicate and make sure that this isn’t a deciding factor on why she doesn’t want the intimate time with you. I’m not saying she is playing around, but I’m just saying make sure she isn’t.
—Maybe she’s not where she wants to be health-wise or physically and that could take some time. Getting fit and to the point where you feel you want to be takes longer than a few months — it’s actually an on-going process. I suggest you talk to her about it and ask her what her goals are. Find out if she is reaching them, tell her she looks great and all her hard work up to this point is paying off. Offer to give her a hot bath after her workout.
—She could be so into her working out that she has just pushed everything else out of her mind. Is she still working, taking care of home, the kids, the animals? Is everything slipping or just your sex life? I suggest, again that you talk to her about it.
—As aggravating as it is, keep trying to get her in the mood. Don’t give up, because “Lesbian Bed Death” is a very real thing and once your attraction and will to have sex goes, it is very hard to get back.
It will however, take both of you to make the sparks happen. I don’t expect all the work to be put on you, but right now until the issue is brought to light with your partner then you have to do what you have to do.
In the meantime, maybe you could start working out with her, maybe if she sees you putting in as much work as she is and you are doing it with her, that might be a big turn on. Besides the both of you will be breathless, hot and sweating, which is sexy. Who wouldn’t like to be in that situation?
Also, masturbate. Don’t shy away from yourself. If things are getting grim then take care of yourself when the urge is too strong. Masturbation is healthy, but shouldn’t be your only source of satisfaction if you are in a relationship.
Finally, try and talk to her, but don’t bitch about it: talk about it. Tell her you feel really left out and miss her. Ask her what you can do to her newly fit body that would turn her on. Explore together because maybe since she’s been working out her tastes in sex have changed and she likes other things now. If none of this stuff works, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate to see if your relationship is worth trying to save or stay in, even if it’s sexless. How important is sex to you? How important is your partner?