My acceptance and how it came about….

With all these negative groups inflatrating our community how does one keep their whits about?

My acceptance and where is comes from….

Focus on the Family, Traditional Values Coalition, California Family Alliance…what are these faith based radicals trying to prove? Why are they so scared of the “gay agenda”? Why is their main purpose in life to knock homosexuals, to get them fired from their jobs, to end their families, to spread their anti-gay rhetoric to anyone who will listen?  Why are they pushing our government to actually place discrimination into our Constitution? Why do they feel as though their marriages are at risk? Do they really think we would harm their children? That we want to ruin society as a whole?
 Where do they get this information? I would say they pull it out of their ass, but that may seem a bit rude and uncalled for.  They claim to have interpreted the Bible to reinforce these beliefs. When I started hearing the Bible and many verses used against the homosexuals, it saddened me. I remember I was very young when I first heard these statements. They didn’t make any sense to me then, as they don’t now. I remember thinking “if God hates me because I am gay, well then, I don’t want God in my life”. That is a hard decision to make. Before I had an opportunity to know God and decide on accepting him as my Higher Power, I was already turned off because “God hates homosexuals”. For many years I felt as though I was an outcast, if there really was a God, he didn’t even want me. Knowing that a vast majority of people to believe in God and the Bible, this led me to believe EVERYONE had a problem with me. I was ashamed.
I remember a counseling session once when I was a teen I went through my life history, looked over and noticed a cross on the wall. The first thing my LCSW said was “…first thing we’ve got to do is fix that lesbian thing”…Let me tell you, all the confusion in my life, being a lesbian was not what needed fixing. As a matter of fact it was one of the aspects of my life that wasn’t broken.  I had a huge sense of relief when I discovered the feelings I was having towards girls and later women, was because I was a lesbian. The first day I told someone out loud was a day I’ll never forget. It was like a ton of bricks being lifted of my back and my heart. I felt good, it felt natural. So, naturally, I fired her. With my experience with her, I tuned my back on the whole “therapy” scene.
Fast-forward about 9 years. I was walking to the store in a supposed “good part” of town. From an SUV I hear several derogatory names coming my way. I ignore them, it actually happens quite frequently. I proceed to my task at hand. About 7-8 minutes later, I am jumped in the parking lot. Even when these vicious boys realized I was a girl, a “DYKE” they didn’t stop, they continued. The beat me in the face and the head. Why?  Ignorance. Somewhere, someone has instilled in them that “gays” are inferior, that we “deserve” what we get. That somehow we are “less than”.  After this ordeal, I had some serious issues. Again I was so ashamed of myself. I couldn’t even look in the mirror. All I saw was “gay”.  I would sit in my closet and cry because all of my clothes were “gay”. I was terrified to go anywhere. I didn’t want anyone to see my bruises because if they asked what happened I’d have to tell them “because I’m gay” It was horrible.  I finally couldn’t handle it anymore; I called a crisis line and spoke with a woman. She is from the Central California Pride Network. My session with her was, well I think it may have helped save my life. She listened, she listened to things I didn’t even know I wanted to say. A lot of things came into perspective that day. My life has changed for the better ever since.
Several years later, my life has changed. I was blessed to have met many people who DO NOT believe “God hates Gays”. I’ve met many people who accept me for the person I am not the person I sleep with. I’ve met people who validate my relationships, who encourage me to create a family, get married to my partner, and have children. I am able to stand and walk with my head held high. I am not ashamed anymore. I am not just going to be the lesbian sitting or walking around waiting for something to happen, I want to make it happen, I want to help it happen. If people are going to dislike me and poke fun at me because I am gay, well then hand me a sign and I’ll give you something to poke at. I am no longer going to sit and be a victim.
 This is my life. I only get one. I will make it the best I can, with a little help from my friends and family. Those who support me and those who allow me to support them. Life is too short. We are equals in this life. The Bible is not God, interpretations inciting hatred and discrimination are not “God like”.  Ignorance is what drives these fundamentalist right wing religious zealots. 
 We are fighting a very diligent battle. WE are EQUAL!!!! Discrimination is ugly, it always has been and it always will be. We need not let the TVC, CFC, Focus on the Family, etc. get us down. It is their freedom to fight the way they choose. It is our right to not sit down and take this. We are a powerful passionate LGBTQ group. I am proud to be a lesbian and proud to be in such a loving and caring family (LGBTQ community).  I hope their faith based values (however contorted they are) will not write discrimination to our Constitution. It is my hope that we as a people can see this as a ploy to deny another group the pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

                                                                                                Becki
                                                                               questions/comments…becki@gayfresno.com
 

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.